Extra Ordinary Gratitude

Be joyful always; pray continually;

give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

-- 1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 18

2007 has come to an end. If I were to think of one word to express or sum up the things I have experienced in the past twelve months it would, without a doubt, be dichotomy. So many things I saw or heard or encountered were seemingly contradictory. Had I been given the option back in December of 2006 to choose what my life would look like for the then upcoming year, I'm not so sure I would have chosen what I ended up living, but in retrospect I am indeed thankful for every moment of it. I have grown, I have changed, and I have learned something from all that I experienced. In conducting my mental review though, I cannot help but think of Charles Dickens' opening to Tale of Two Cities:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

I began this past year facing a series of chest x-rays and an MRI for a lump that developed and enlarged in around my collar bone and upper rib during 2006. I had put them off until after holidays, but January 3rd there was no more waiting. They were unable to find anything definitive and unless I wanted to engage in an exploratory surgery, watch and wait was my only option. I have a lot of cancer in my family, so it was a little disconcerting but I elected do the watch and wait nonetheless. Today I can still tell you exactly where it is, but it has shrunk a good deal and I am not conscious of it on a day-to-day basis as I have been in the past, so I guess for now it will remain just one of those mysterious things. I learned to have trust and faith that I would be led to make the best decisions at a time when there were no definitive answers, to accept that I would be protected and cared for by our Creator.

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins.

The wish for healing has ever been the half of health. - Hippolytus

The beginning of the year was also filled with the great excitement and anticipation of the beginning of a new job on permanent basis where I had worked temporarily in the fall of 2006. I originally thought it would be a destination where I would stay for a much longer period of time. However, I was soon to discover that what I envisioned my purpose there to be was going to be vastly different from what God envisioned that purpose for me to be. Where I saw a period, He only meant for there to be a comma. It was simply just one of the facets of the year-long graduate level fortitude course He enrolled me in, without my consent. In this job which lasted eleven of the past twelve months, I learned many lessons about friendship, Christ-like love (or the absence of it), communities, public personas vs. private lives and what happens when ordinary people experience extraordinary pain. In the end, what I first saw as a place of arrival, was simply to be a 'layover' in my journey to another place. Once I came to that acceptance, I could simply take it all in and store what I had learned for future use.

Then Job replied to the LORD : "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted..." - Job 42:2

In the middle of the year, I watched as my husband said goodbye to his career of fourteen years, and a passion we both had shared for many of them. It was a love of music and music education that had initially brought us together in the early stages of our relationship, but an environment that we had both outgrown. The situation presented it's own financial and emotional struggles. We learned what it means to have your identity so wrapped up in a career that somehow you lose a portion of yourself and what it means to redefine yourself in a way that is true to your inner most being. We learned what it takes to truly live a more financially balanced life and the differences between wants and needs and what we were willing to give up to meet our basic needs. For a while the prospect of giving up the expense of our house was a nearing reality, but ultimately that did not come to pass.

I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott

In the middle of August we found ourselves at a place in our fifteen year old married relationship (and seventeen years of being best friends) that we didn't know how to navigate on our own. It was not a place we ever thought that we would end up; there were no rule books or game plans ready to follow and we made some mistakes. We found who we like to call, "Our paid friend, George" and he gave us some maps and a compass to help us find our way out of the woods. We are still in the process of forging this new path out of the wilderness together that will be the foundation for the next season of our lives. We learned that relationships don't run on auto-pilot. We learned that if you lose sight of where you are going, you're going to get lost. We learned to see each other with new eyes and with a new appreciation for the people who we had emerged into while we were each busy in our own ways doing work to hopefully make the world a better place. We re-learned what we value in each other and that nothing is to be taken for granted, especially in relationships. We learned how to fall in love again. We learned to say, "Chow Funs!"

That's not why I'm saying Chow Funs. I'm saying Chow Funs because we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want another city, I like this city. I know what kind of mood you’re in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher, and you know I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly, that's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad and you don't just give up! . . . And I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine. And God you're a good friend and good friends are hard to find. . . And ultimately, isn't that what it comes down too? What a person is made of? That girl in the pin helmet is still here 'bee boo bee boo' I didn't even know she existed until you and I'm afraid if you leave I may never see her again, even though I said at times you beat her out of me, isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, the yen the yang. The best of times, the worst of times! I think Dickens said it best, 'He could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean', but, that doesn't really apply here does it? What I'm trying to say is, I'm saying Chow Funs because, I love you!

- Katie Jordan (Michelle Pfeiffer), The Story of Us, 1999

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly – Sam Keen

The end of October found us with a home equity loan to purchase two new vehicles, one brand new and one new to us, as well as a little extra to tide us over financially until I got my new job, career path and mission that began in December and my husband got a promotion to assistant manager (second in command) at his new career in retail sales.

The holidays which for us were once about creating memories for others with music making through parades and concerts and choir singing, became a season where my husband's work was directly involved in the crazy holiday shopping scene-- something we ourselves usually tried to avoid. Our schedules were different, the experience was different. We each had our own emotions and memories of Christmases past and hopes for Christmases of the future. Christmas of the present was simply about being joyful in the moment for the simple pleasures of life and the blessings we had received in the past year, even if they often came in disguise. We didn't put up any decorations or tree, but we shared our favorite traditional Christmas Eve dinner, drove around the neighborhood to admire everyone else's displays of lights and we worshiped and connected with our Creator and Savior, for the first time in a long time just as visitors of the congregation where we were not members and not directly as participants in the service among friends and acquaintances we had grown to know and love.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. -- Linus Van Pelt, A Charlie Brown
Christmas, 1965

It was a year of many blessings that arrived packaged as challenges. At first we were afraid to open them, but once we did we had the ability to grow and change and learn and love in a whole new way. We also were given the gift of strengthen relationships from acquaintances who became friends, some rather unexpectedly and new people who arrived in our life that we never knew existed in the beginning of last year - some of whom brought a whole set of blessings and gifts of their own with their arrival - some of them are here in the blog world! We are at a better place now than we were before the experiences of 2007 and we wouldn't have arrived here without them. For that I am extraordinarily grateful!

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. - John Vance Cheney

As we each look ahead with hopes and dreams and goals for 2008, I leave these words and wishes for you, my friends in the blog world:

May God give you...
For every storm a rainbow,
for every tear a smile,
for every care a promise
and a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share,
for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer.
- Traditional Irish Blessing

Happy New Year!

Extra Ordinary Endings

"You matter because you are you and
you matter to the last moment of your life,

and we will do everything we can
not only to help you die peacefully

but to live until you die"
- Dame Cecily Saunders, MD, Hospice Founder

Thus marks the beginning of my new career in extraordinary endings. My new job is somewhat of a paradox, but I love every minute of it and am excited about the possibilities that lie before me at the beginning of this journey. For the first time I am working in a non-profit type role in a (very much) for-profit company. I am the new regional volunteer coordinator for a hospice company. My territory currently includes seven counties in the eastern part of our state. A lot of people are unfamiliar with what hospice really is and what it does unless they have had cause to experience it first hand through the end of the life of a loved one. Therefore when people ask me what it is I do now, sometimes I am not sure they come away with an accurate representation of my new position when they offer a rather generic, "Oh, that sounds nice." Just as a side note here - I absolutely hate the word "nice." I think it is the most overused demeaning, seemingly positive, yet insincere adjective I know - but that's a blog post for another day!

The concept of a for profit company even having a segment of their mission that incorporates volunteers can be confusing. Even at my company orientation, the opening session was a mix of all their new employees regardless of role or position within the company and we all decided to go out to lunch together and one of the others at the orientation was just fascinated with the concept of my job - how I could have a paid position to entice people to give up their free time to volunteer for something. Obviously she had never been passionate enough about something before to contribute to a cause or organization with no hopes of receiving anything tangible in return. I felt a little sorry for her in that regard.

We make a living by what we do, but we make a life by what we give. --Winston Churchill

I have been the recipient of love and service, therefore I can love and serve. There is great satisfaction in service to others, in . . . seeing people and their conditions change. --Clarence E. Hodges

So what exactly do I do now? My in-laws are still perplexed...the questions they ask me let me know that they just don't get it...but over the years, I've learned to be okay with that. When one's choices don't necessarily follow convention, one has to expect (or perhaps the word I should use is accept) the questions.

If you want to be successful, know what you are doing, love what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing. - Will Rogers

Hospice care is more about living than dying. It is about adding value to everyday life, especially at a time when you are most aware of its limit. The treatment goal of hospice is to enable patients to continue an alert, pain-free life and to manage other symptoms so that their last days may be spent with dignity and quality surrounded by their loved ones. Through an inter-disciplinary team which includes a physician, registered nurse, social worker, bereavement counselor, spiritual counselor and volunteers, hospice works to provide the best care for both patient and family, striving not only to meet the physical needs but also the emotional needs of the patient and the family. Hospice is not necessarily a place, but a concept of care that is expressly tailored to each individual patient's needs, wishes, and desires and to alleviate the fears most commonly associated with a terminal illness.

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

So why the volunteers? Volunteers are an essential and valuable component in the whole hospice picture. They are not paid professionals, they are regular people, just like our patients and their families, with an enormous amount of caring and compassion for their fellow man. The patient and their family know that this person is there simply because they truly care and are receiving no compensation for their service. Patient care volunteers come in many forms, shapes, sizes and ages, just like our patients. They can be as young as 14 (with parent permission) or as old as 84 (obviously there is no real upper age limit). They offer emotional support to our patients and their families through dedicating 1-3 hours per week of their time, talents, caring and compassion to meet the needs of others. They can visit with the patient to provide relief to other care givers, run errands for the family, make a meal, send cards, arrange flowers, do yard work, read a book to the patient or perhaps children in the family, play a game, do a puzzle, laugh, listen to stories, scrapbook, walk the dog, do laundry, make phone calls, help the patient write a letter, look at old photos, give a back rub, watch tv or a video with the patient, record memories, set up a bird feeder, empty trash, plant flowers, help with hair care or nails, teach relaxation techniques, . . . the possibilities are endless, but can all be summed up with one word, LOVE. Volunteers simply extend unconditional love to the patient and his or her family through simple acts of service and caring.

In this troubled world, it's refreshing to find someone who still has the time to be kind. Someone who still has the faith to believe that the more you give, the more you receive. Someone who's ready by thought, word, or deed to reach out a hand, in the hour of need. -- Helen Steiner Rice

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

And what exactly is your role, Bop? Good question! Medicare requires that 5% of all patient bedside hours spent by paid professionals - physicians, nurses, chaplains, social workers, and aides are matched with volunteer hours (i.e.- for every 100 hours our employees spend with a patient, our volunteers must also spend 5 hours in service to the patients and families). My role is to educate the community about hospice, then recruit, train, manage, retain, and recognize our volunteers as well as to help conduct bereavement camps or day workshops several times a year for grieving children and teens. I also must coordinate community building group volunteer projects that do not necessarily involve care, but benefit our patients in other ways. These groups could include church or ministry groups, school clubs, civic organizations, scouts or any other group that likes to engage in acts of service for the good of others and they could do things like helping to role patient packs for the nurses to take into the homes that include trash bags and paper towels, knitting lap blankets or slippers, doing yard work or car care, arranging flowers, making cards, etc. almost as limitless as the individual volunteer opportunities but do not involve direct patient care and are done together as a group.

Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received - only what you have given: a full heart, enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice and courage. -- Saint Francis of Assisi

In that my work includes publicity and public relations, speaking to groups, administrative duties, teaching and training, event planning (banquets, workshops), a little graphic design and writing (brochures and newsletters), travel and many other things that are necessary to fulfill the goals of my position. On a day-to day basis, I work independently and right now my home office is where I do most of my computer and paper work, but I also function as part of several larger teams, not only the company's volunteer coordinator team, but also the interdisciplinary teams in each county and partnering with each county's community relations director. I think I function best this way, I like to be able to contribute to a larger team to accomplish goals greater than I could ever achieve alone, but I also like to have some freedom and independence. I also love that my work requires a great variety of tasks in a variety of locations as I get more satisfaction from my work when I am able to engage in a variety of activities. All in all, I would never have told you a year ago that I would want to work for a hospice organization, the thought never would have occurred to me, but now I could not think of a better match for my skills set, passions and personal life experiences.

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me. - Carl Sandburg

None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives. - Kathleen Norris

Extra Ordinary Beginnings

There are times to cultivate and create, when you nurture your world

and give birth to new ideas and ventures.

There are times of flourishing and abundance,

when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding.

And there are times of fruition, when things come to an end.

They have reached their climax

and must be harvested before they begin to fade.

And finally of course,

there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty,

times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream.

Those rhythms in life are natural events.

They weave into one another as day follows night,

bringing, not messages of hope and fear,

but messages of how things are.
- Chogyam Trungpa

With the arrival of the season of Advent on Sunday, December 2, the beginning of a new liturgical year, I was fittingly off to begin a long awaited new adventure of my own. I love the seasons and cycles of life that provide order and meaning to our days, the peaks and valleys, the days of celebration and sadness. This particular ending and beginning happened so naturally and smoothly, I can attribute it to nothing other than divine intervention. In the beginning of October when I decided my time at my current job was done, that I had fulfilled my purpose there to the best of my ability, I began adamantly searching for new employment. The quality of my work was plummeting because I no longer believed in the mission of the organization. I saw glimpses of myself slipping into becoming a person that I did not want to be, so for preservation of self, I believed I had to move on. I daily checked every online job listing service that I could find as well as our local newspaper. I applied for everything that I was even remotely qualified to do and sent out dozens of resumes. With my husband's also recent career change this past summer, my income was, for the first time, vital and essential to our well being, so I could not walk away from my situation without a replacement for that income. I didn't just want a "job" though, I wanted and needed a mission and a purpose, something to which I could feel good about making a valuable contribution, something to help me regain my spirit after experiencing the ills of community that I talked about in my previous post.

People have to feel needed. Frequently, we just offer a job and ‘perks.’ We don’t always offer people a purpose. When people feel there is a purpose and that they’re needed, there’s not much else to do except let them do the work. - Maya Angelou

November rolled around, up to that point I had gotten no bites whatsoever. No one even remotely expressed an interest. One day (Monday, November 5th) I was just distraught and feeling a little empty, I wanted to see and experience the goodness in humanity again. During my lunch hour, after returning to the building from making my regular runs to the post office to pick up the daily mail and bank to make the weekly deposit, I got out of my car and I just wasn't ready to re-enter the building. I was feeling spent. Without forethought or purpose, I wandered onto the trail in the woods that surrounded our building and about midway through the trail I sat down on a bench and just started to cry and cry and cry for no apparent reason (As a side note I must convey that I am normally not a particularly emotional person - I usually do fairly well with keeping a balanced perspective on things.).

Then, I began to have a long talk with God, I emptied my heart to Him. I told Him that as much as I was ready to move one, that if it was His will for me to remain there and that there was still work that He needed for me to do and a purpose that I needed to fulfill at that place, that I would indeed stay. But I told Him I had lost my faith in humanity and if I was to be successful, he needed to give me something to hold on to and make that purpose in staying blatantly obvious so that I had something on which to focus and direct my energies. I didn't know what else to say. I laid down on the bench with my face to the sky in an attempt to regain my composure and just take a few minutes to enjoy the sights and sounds of a beautiful fall day in the woods. While I was in that position, I watched as a large pine cone high on the top of one of the nearby trees let go and fell to the earth. In attempts to provide a mental picture - pine cones in coastal South Carolina from our ever plentiful Long Leaf Pine trees (Pinus palustris Miller) are no small, laughing matter. The trees tower 80-100 ft. in the sky, mostly trunk with a crown at the top and the pine cones are typically 8 - 12 inches in length with an appropriate balance to their girth. This one was no exception. I took this as a sign that it was time for me to go inside, so I walked over and picked up the cone for safe keeping, finished out the trail and headed back to my desk.

The next morning as I was getting ready for work I got a call for an interview. It was the only response I ever got from any of the resumes that I sent out. The interview was to take place the following morning in Columbia, a 2 1/2 hour drive from my home. I had no expectations, I just thought it would be a fun day trip and stress release to get away alone with my thoughts and the road for a while, if nothing else. I was more confident and at ease than I had ever been in an interview -- after all I had just told God that I was willing to stay in my current position, so nothing was really weighing on this moment. I was free to just be the best version of myself.

During the course of the interview my future boss told me that she had only been in her position with this company a little over a year, but that "this job had restored her faith in humanity!" Coincidence? I think not! The interview lasted over 90 minutes, at the end of which I was sent home with the training manual and my interviewer was showing me the employee section of their website. Our conversation had flowed easily and we really seemed to "click" however I was told that the following day they would be conducting a few more interviews, one with someone from already inside the company and that they would be making their decision rather quickly, she hoped within a few days. I sent my requisite thank you letter and I waited over a week without hearing anything. I checked with my references - they were never contacted (to this day). I had been excited and energized after the interview, but again I was ready to let go. The next day, (Thursday, November 16th) I got "The Call." After making the offer, the HR manager asked if I needed some time to think it over before making my decision. I tried not sound too excited when I expressed, "No, I don't need any time to think it over, I will definitely accept the position." The next day, I gave my two weeks notice. A weight had been lifted.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
- Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Finally, my time had come! Sunday, December 2nd, I entered a new chapter in The Life of Bop with a four and a half hour trip to the company's corporate headquarters, two nights stay in a really nice hotel, two days filled with orientation and training sessions, all for an extra ordinary beginning.

"Every end is a new beginning."

Extra Ordinary Community

Community has the power to shape or destroy us.

The above thought was taken from a May 17, 2007 blog post by Lilian Calles Barger (author, speaker and founder of The Damaris Project - an ongoing dialog for women on 'how spirituality informs our daily lives and work.') entitled No Name Woman. In the post she was referring to a story set in rural China by the same title that appeared in a larger work, The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts written by Chinese-American author Maxine Hong Kingston. This thought of community having the power to shape or destroy us struck a sharp chord with me when I read it because it is a truth I have known for most all of my life seeing in practice communities both shaping and destroying the lives of their members. It has long been my hope and mission to help create communities that uplift their members and immediately upon reading it, I added the above thought to my collection of quotations and have returned to it time and again in the past six months. Never more intimately in my own life have I known one community to so strongly and passionately do both - shape and destroy - than from what I have experienced and witnessed in the community from which I have now chosen to leave being an active part.

Great bodies of people are never responsible for what they do.
- Virginia Wolfe

The American city should be a collection of communities where every member has a right to belong. It should be a place where every man feels safe on his streets and in the house of his friends. It should be a place where each individual's dignity and self-respect is strengthened by the respect and affection of his neighbors. It should be a place where each of us can find the satisfaction and warmth which comes from being a member of the community of man. This is what man sought at the dawn of civilization. It is what we seek today. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Community. Merriam-Webster defines it as follows:

com·mu·ni·ty Pronunciation: \kə-ˈmyü-nə-tē\ Function: noun 1 : a unified body of individuals: as a: state, commonwealth b: the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly: the area itself [the problem of a large community] c: an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location d: a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society [a community of retired persons] e: a group linked by a common policy f: a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests [the international community] g: a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society [the academic community] 2: society at large 3 a: joint ownership or participation [community of goods] b: common character : likeness c: social activity : fellowship d: a social state or condition

If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth. -- Mitsugi Saotome

Once upon a time in a college English class I was assigned to write a position paper on John Donne's Meditation XVII, No Man is an Island, arguing either that one could or could not function without being an integral part of our larger humanity. For the most part, I fancy myself a fairly strong-willed, independent, non-conformist that marches to the beat of her own drum. I wanted to argue with every fiber of my being that a man (or woman) could indeed be 'an island,' standing alone. At nineteen I had already been witness to communities doing their shaping and destroying, "I could be a hermit (and a darn good one at that!)," I thought. I was so self-assured at the time! Still today the prospect of a hermitage is my escape fantasy when the world around me goes bad. Then, however, I think of the caring, loving, compassionate people who have in a positive way helped to shape me into the person I've become, the people who have added great value to my life...I couldn't be who I am without their influence. I would most definitely want to take some of them with me - GRRR! Darn, There goes the hermitage! As far as my college English paper, I ended up so conflicted between my desire to believe that I could indeed be an island and that inner nagging that told me I could not, that I elected to take a zero and simply not write the paper. If I can't do something well (or at the very least the way I would like to, on my own terms) I sometimes refrain from doing it all.

"There is no such thing as a "self-made" man.
We are made up of thousands of others.
Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us,
or spoken one word of encouragement to us,
has entered into the make-up of our character
and of our thoughts, as well as our success."
- George Matthew Adams

“Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared is doubled.” - Swedish Proverb

My passion and my life work has been to contribute to the building of powerful, positive, good, life-changing communities (the kind that can proudly say they make a difference) in whatever form that may manifest itself. Sometimes it has been for pay, many times it has not. Sometimes it has been focused on taking care of the minute details that others take for granted which help to create the whole experience, doing the grunt work; sometimes it has been in envisioning, creating and executing large plans and programs. Most of the time it has been some combination of the two. Making copies or taking out the trash can have equal value to brainstorming and executing program ideas when one sees them all as a part of the 'Big Picture.'

My husband of fifteen years and I live a fairly modest lifestyle (just as an example: we were a one-car family for over 12 years) and were fortunate enough for the fourteen years he was a director of bands for that to be our primary income and for my income (when it existed) to be 'a bonus.' In that I have never had to compromise my integrity for the purpose of making money. I realize that this is a grand luxury many people do not afford themselves. It makes you look at the world differently; it changes the way you think. I still believe in the cliche, "Do what you love and the money will come." So far it has served me well.

We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free. - Starhawk

When I reflect on the past year of my life, it has been one of great turmoil and change instigated by the hands of 'community,' communities that I had grown to love. "Great bodies of people are never responsible for what they do." - Virginia Wolfe At the same time though, there have been small sub-groups, individuals of those communities, who have uplifted and sustained me in my journey. While my husband was a band director, we shared the vision of creating a community in which young people could flourish and grow, teaching leadership skills and team building...the musical contests and competitions were all secondary to the building of better people. The teaching of music and performance skills was simply a tool and venue through which to achieve the end goal of building better people. A small, very negative and very vocal group of people took away his passion and wanted to compromise his vision. He chose instead to step away from his career only half-way through.

Also in this past year, I had been working for a church under the title of "Membership Coordinator" but really doing a job which encompassed many aspects of community building. This was most definitely an example of "do what you love and the money will come," as I had begun doing a lot of volunteer work there before being offered a position of employment. This community had transformed my own life for the better in the previous three years by embodying a spirit of Christ-like love. Then, I watched from the sidelines in horror and despair as another very negative, hurting and hurtful group of six people destroyed the life and ministry of their leader, all in the name of doing good. I did the things that I could along the way to attempt to change or stop the snowballing process, but I did not have the power to alter the course of their actions. Now I can only reflect and attempt to learn something valuable from what transpired. My husband was discussing the two parallel situations with one of his current co-workers the other day, to which his co-worker replied, 'the only difference between Christians and non-Christians is that Christians supposedly know better, but act poorly towards their fellow man anyway.' The sad thing is the truth in that statement. Because I have experienced them at their best, belonging to a community of faith has long been a part of my identity, but at times I have been ashamed for the association.

If men would consider not so much where they differ, as wherein they agree, there would be far less of uncharitableness and angry feeling in the world. - Joseph Addison

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt. -- Frederick Buechner

In her blog post cited above Lilian Calles Barger communicated, "The ability to just get up and leave, or to determine the course of their lives, is one few women in the world know." I realize that to have that ability and not take advantage of it would be criminal as I am blessed with living in a nation of relative freedom. The questions I often ask myself when deciding to take leave of a community are 1. Would I any longer invite and encourage another person to become a part of this community? We often tolerate much more in the way of bad behavior ourselves than we are willing to expose others to. and 2. Can I support the message about what it means to be human that the behavior of this community is sending to it's young people or simply the next generation in general? Children are sponges. When the answer to one of those questions comes up "No," I begin a process of serious evaluation. When I get the second "No," I make plans to disengage and leave.

The difficulty in working with and for communities of people is the ability to keep one's sanity by knowing what one has the ability to change and what one does not. The other difficulty lies in not becoming jaded or callused by the inherent sinful nature of humanity and maintaining a knowledge that good will ultimately prevail over evil. Then, having the ability move onward to find the good.

But the life that no longer trusts another human being and no longer forms ties to the political community in not a human life any longer. - Martha Nussbaum

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. - Galatians 6:9-10

My mind wanders now to the stories of community from classic literature that most of my generation of Americans were required to read in their public school junior high or high school English courses. Most of them are stories of communities gone bad. Shirley Jackson's The Lottery, Arthur Miller's The Crucible, Nathaniel Hawthorn's The Scarlet Letter, and many, many others. I have to wonder did we as a society (or at least a generation) really embrace the lessons we were supposed to be learning from those great works? Isn't that at least one of the reasons they were chosen for "The Required Reading List?" I love the commonality of the human experience, somehow there is comfort in knowing that we are repeatedly experiencing the same the things throughout history, just each generation in our own way and thinking it's new to us. Sometimes though it is frustrating to be a part of it. In pondering these questions of community my husband was quick to recommend William Golding's Lord of the Flies, which he tells me embodies both the good and bad of community at it's best and worst, both shaping and destroying. The English teachers I had never put this one on my "To Read" list, even though some of the others in my school did have it on theirs. Somehow it never made it up to the top of the 'Waiting to Be Read' list on my own either. Anxious to share it with me, he immediately went to our bookshelves to retrieve his copy and now it sits on my bedside table awaiting my reading.

My husband is also a huge fan of Stephen King's work so needless to say over the Thanksgiving holiday we were at the theater watching The Mist. I am just not a big fan of the horror genre of literature as I can find enough "horrors" in everyday situations without looking too terribly long and hard, but I was game for the experience and actually enjoyed it. If you take away the mist itself and the horrifying creatures that come with it, it too is really just a case study of community and how bodies of people react within crisis situations. I highly recommend watching it from that analytical perspective, if nothing else.

We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one's life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something. - Sandra Day O'Connor

An African proverb says, "It takes a village to raise a child." I have to close with one final thought that has been weighing on my heart. It is the story of thirteen year-old Megan Meier who committed suicide in October 2006, but whose story has recently been brought into the media spotlights again. In a nut shell (or my best attempts at synopsis), Meagan was a fairly typical teenage girl who had a falling out with her friends from down the street. As a result she said some hurtful things about those friends to others at school. Her friends then ostracized her. She went on My Space and met a supposed 16-year old home schooled boy from the same town and developed a growing friendship with him, both her parents were well aware of the friendship. However, it was not really a 16-year old boy, as she had thought, that she was corresponding with, but rather the mothers (Yes - not children, but adult women, mothers) of some of her former friends. The women, obviously not emotionally mature themselves, made up the fictitious boy to "teach Megan a lesson." After the 'two' became close friends, the boy then started to turn on Megan saying hurtful things to her and he began to spread rumors and say bad things about her to all of her other school mates and friends online. 'He' destroyed her self image so much that she hung herself.

Now here's the really sad part-- others in the community, her friends, people who lived on her street and went to her school all knew about the situation with the fictitious boy through the rumor and gossip mill and no one attempted to stop the adult women from behaving like school children. No one befriended the girl in her time of greatest need. The police of the community said that no crime had been committed, no laws had been broken, therefore there was nothing they could do in the situation. You can learn more about this story here on CNN or here on ABC News.

It leaves me speechless. Communities behaving badly. Again.

Children Learn What They Live - by Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness,
they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

What are our communities teaching their children?

Extra Ordinary Life Lessons

"Some things you have to do every day.

Eating seven apples on Saturday night instead of one a day

just isn't going to get the job done."

-- Jim Rohn

Well, you may have been wondering what happened after regaining My Extra Ordinary Vision. After that post I'm sure one would have thought that they would be hearing a lot more from me, more frequently. If so, you are not alone - I thought so too! I'm not sure how to explain it, but I think I had become a little "gun shy" in sharing that recaptured vision with anyone else - afraid to let them see it, lest they attempt to destroy it. So, I have been busy reconnecting with self and locking my "big picture" into a very strong vault for safe-keeping. I guess that it is time to go back to the very beginning, in one of my earliest posts (I think the third one I ever wrote) I proclaimed that to start blogging one has to overcome the fear of not having anything of value to say. I believe this is true for commenting on others' blogs as well, as I had mostly ceased to do that too.

In my 'compose posts' folder I currently have about a dozen started posts saved as drafts, but then somehow I always end up stopping my writing and haven't finished any of them to the point that they actually became real published posts. (This originally was one of those.) The rest of those thoughts are stagnating, stuck there living out their lives in a folder, never maturing beyond a "draft." I need to start over and change that. Tim Lautzenheiser, genius and leadership guru for high school band students (for those of you who are new here - my husband was a high school band director for fourteen years), has a saying that he imparts in all of his leadership seminars, "You're only worth what you give away and you can only give away what you have." So here I am, back to try and give away what I have acquired.

I am always fascinated to check my site statistics to see who is visiting and from where, how they got here, what they read and how long they stay. I never cease to be surprised, outright dumbfounded and humbled that someone I have never met (and probably never will) whom I don't even know their name will one day sit at their computer, Google something seemingly random and then stay for twenty or thirty minutes to read some things that I had to say, and then (wonder of all wonders). . . come back again later for more. I always ponder - What was the real impetus for their search? What did they think when their quest brought them here? I respect their silence, as I too am often a lurker, but sometimes I am filled with questions that I wish I could ask them.

I joke from time to time about my five regular readers, (used to be three -- and yes, I do have a little blog envy problem as my husband's blog has many, many readers) it appears though that slowly but surely, there are other lurkers out there who, if I hadn't checked my site statistics, I would never even be aware that they come and read and then come back for more. It is these miraculous wonders of people that make me feel slightly guilty that I have neglected posting for so long. It is a good feeling to know that someone in Gresham, Oregon or Atlanta, Georgia or Cincinnati, Ohio apparently thinks I have something of value to offer them. A nameless, faceless blogging comrade in Walpole, Massachusetts has even added me to her blog roll. WOW!?! How cool is that? Upon discovery of this I was extremely excited, amazed, honored, humbled and yes, dumbfounded! She has a wonderful blog called Care's Online Book Club. I am still a lurker there as well, but if you read this you should definitely check out what she has to say. I also get visitors from fun exotic places like the country of "Brunei Darussalam." I never even knew it existed until now. For those of you who also learn your geography through blogging - this small country is part of the island of Borneo in the South China Sea in Asia. Try Googling them, it looks like a very interesting place. For now, though, whoever you are in Gresham, Oregon, Atlanta, Georgia, Cincinnati, Ohio and Walpole, Massachusetts . . . THANK YOU!!! Even in your silent lurking you have given me a great gift! This post is here today because of you!

"There is no sudden leap to greatness.
Your success lies in doing, day by day.
Your upward reach comes from working well and carefully."
-- Max Steingart

For me life lessons usually come not all at once, but in a period of gradual realization that builds over time and then, **boom** I have this fully formed concept that seems so simple and idiot proof, but yet which really took me a long time to arrive it. Stand up comedian, Steven Wright, had a joke in his routine once that went something like this -

I don't have to walk my dog anymore.
I walked him all at once.

We went from Maine to Florida and then I said,

"Now you're done."

I think our contemporary society sometimes leads us to this type of thinking. I think a large segment of our culture somehow thinks that daily routines of certain sorts are somewhat primitive (and boring) and that we are far too sophisticated for something so rudimentary today. Instant gratification is sought in so many arenas. If success doesn't come quickly enough, often interest is lost in doing what needs to be done. On the other hand, one may also think things are going relatively well in a particular area of life, "I've already achieved a certain level of success here, phew, now I can coast for a while . . . I don't need to pay as much attention to that relationship or area of my health or that project at work. I can rest on my laurels. I can cross that off of my 'to-do' list for a while,". . . but then, somehow things catch up on us and what was going well has gradually gone to shambles without much fanfare or ado, in a way so slowly we were perhaps unaware of the descent until we find ourselves at the bottom of the pit and then wonder how we got there.

In my own life, I know the greatest successes were achieved when I dedicated myself little by little, inching daily towards my goals. When I was just showing up to do the work that needed to me done and trusting that our Creator will take care of the results. One area of my past history that I often try to keep from most people who didn't know me "when" is that between August 31, 2004 and December 2005 - I lost over 70 lbs. I have an endocrine condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) that makes its victims insulin resistant and usually infertile and causes many other **FUN** little challenges to normal life, among them unexplained weight gain. In my mid-20's - early 30's I would put on 20 - 30 lbs. here and there without the blink of an eye, even thought I ate mostly normally, my body just wasn't processing the foods as it should. It was very frustrating and depressing. It took visiting several different doctors before getting a proper diagnosis and medication for treatment. However, the medicine did not make that much of a difference by it self. It most definitely stopped the weight gain, but it wasn't doing much to take off what was already there. Then in the end of summer 2004, I joined a gym. I was filled with determination that I was going to get my body and health back. I didn't going on some crazy diet, I didn't ban myself from all desserts, . . . I simply went to the gym EVERY DAY - sometimes twice a day and do the work that needed to be done. When I started and couldn't do even 5 minutes on the elliptical machine without thinking I needed to have paramedics on standby. I thought I was going to die. I became inspired watching the other seasoned regulars, whom also showed up every day. I didn't see any major differences from day to day, but I kept it up and one day I found myself 70 lbs. lighter and burning 1,000 calories in a 70 minute session on the elliptical machine. Then one day I went to Sam's Club and really had to struggle with the cashier to prove that I was indeed the person pictured on my membership card and on my driver's license. She thought I was trying to use someone else's card. Personally, I didn't think I had changed all that much because for me it had been so gradual and at the same time I was becoming involved with a new community of people who didn't know the "before" me. Sam's Club ending up making me get a new card with a new picture.

I don't know why I told this story - it seems like a "bird walk." It most definitely was not my intention as I usually keep a very close guard on the personal details of my life not only in the blog world but the real world as well. However, I sat down this morning and started typing and it just came out. Apparently there is someone who needs to hear that part of my story and I don't know who that is and may never know. So, I guess I will leave it here for all to read.

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble." -- Helen Keller

My husband and I just got back from a four day, three night weekend getaway to the mountains of North Carolina. It was the first we have taken any kind of trip that didn't involve work or visiting family in about 10 years. We always thought we had a great relationship, over the years we have talked about instituting the proverbial weekly "date night" that all the relationship gurus recommend but at times it seemed, we're doing fine, things are great, we don't need to add one more thing to our already full commitments and "to-do" lists. "That's for other people, not us." It is when we are fine and think we don't need to take the time for these daily rituals and things when seemingly all of a sudden months and years pass, then we feel the disconnect and say, man we really should have made that "date night" thing a priority. Ooooh, even saying it (date nitght) , my sensibilities make me think it sounds "hokey." One of my most inspiring bloggers, Mark, at "The Naked Soul" recently wrote an amazing post entitled "Slow Down Enjoy the Journey" about our societal views that we must always present ourselves as "busy" and feel embarrassed to tell our friends and co-workers that we schedule regular daily time for the refreshment of our souls and/or relationships. Somehow we fear we will be looked down upon as a less successful person. Recently my husband and I made a commitment to harness those small daily pockets of time to reconnect and more importantly a weekly evening to call our own and perhaps a quarterly weekend "getaway" and have made respecting them as an equally important commitment a new priority for us.

Initially I said this post was here because of the lurkers who surprisingly return again and again. But this post is also here because of the two bloggers who are my main inspiration and whose dedication to their passions causes me to aspire to be true to my own. They are writers, community builders, connectors, philosophers and deep thinkers. They regularly challenge the thinking of their readers. They already know the simple truth to the benefits of eating one apple a day as opposed to seven on a Saturday. They post nearly every day and I am sure that is the main reason for their blog world success. One day perhaps I can be more like them. Dan at Faith Dance and Mark at The Naked Soul this post is also here because of you too --THANK YOU!!! -- Your encouragement and welcome to me, a fledgling blogger, has been an awesome and incredible gift!

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
- Isaiah 43:18-19

So my life lesson leaves me recommitting to many things on a regular, recurring basis. Join me in the journey...where are you looking for success? Is it through the daily seemingly small things? I'm trying to remember that life is indeed more like a marathon than a series of disconnected sprints.

I am feeling a little childlike and nostalgic today so I will leave you with wisdom from the Rankin and Bass children's television Christmas Classic of the 1970's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town.":

Sing along if you like, I know I will be!

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.

You never will get where you’re going,
If your never get up on your feet.
Come on, there's a good tail wind blowing,
A fast walking man's hard to beat.

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.

If you want to change your direction,
If your time of life is at hand,
Well don't be the rule, be the exception.
A good way to start is to stand.

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn,
You mean that it's just my election,
To vote for a chance to be reborn.

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door.

Extra Ordinary Vision

"Attitude is the mind's paintbrush; it can color any situation."

-- Anonymous

I have worn eyeglasses since I was nine years old and in the third grade, without them I would be legally blind with my "to be envied" 20/400 vision. Legally blind is 20/200 that cannot be improved with corrective lenses. Thankfully mine is correctable to 20/15 with my glasses and I am also grateful that there have been amazing advances in eye wear fashion and science in the last twenty-six years. It seems as though every time I am due to get new glasses, the frames are smaller and the lenses thinner. I tried contacts once in my early twenties, but this was when gas permeables were the only option for people with astigmatism and they were uncomfortable, felt scratchy and I couldn't get used to seeing my face without glasses; so I quickly gave them up and returned to my trusty and comfortable spectacles. They are a friendly and welcome part of my physical identity. I most recently got new glasses this past July ('07), so my prescription is accurate, but since then it had seemed as though my vision had been getting cloudier by the day and I was sure that it was not anything my opthamologist could remedy.

I jokingly replied to a couple of comments that in September I would have to close down my blog because my monthly postings started out in May with four and then decreased each following month by one (4, 3, 2, and 1 in August). I order to keep up my pattern and be consistent, I would surely have to have zero posts in September. Although it was not necessarily what I set out to do, indeed September came and went with no new posts. Now in trying to reclaim my own Extra Ordinary Vision, I am breaking the pattern with hopes of "getting back in the saddle again." Somewhere along the way it seems I had lost my vision and with it went my voice. Today is a new day, a new week, a new month, and the start of yet another new beginning.

The most pathetic person in the world is someone
who has sight, but has no vision. - Helen Keller

I have long fancied myself a "big picture" kind of person with extraordinary vision, but about two months ago I allowed a thief in the night to steal MY big picture and leave me with only an 8" x 10" glossy in it's place. While this can be seen as "the big picture" if you are thinking back to your grade school days and the annual picture packets they would try to get your parents to buy, if go to a typical art gallery or museum and try to find the 8" x 10" picture, you either won't find it all or it will be one of the smallest pictures you see there. Recently, my version of reality was shattered on more than one front. When this happens I have come to realize that the only thing to do is to get down on your hands and knees and just start picking up all of the little pieces and shreds that you can find and try to figure out in which order they belong. If you're really lucky, someone will be there to help you pick them up and hand them back to you in the right order.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

One of the projects that I was assigned recently for my work was to create the promotional materials for a program that was being launched in our community called "Visionary Parenting." I soon realized that this assignment was really dual purpose for me and it's arrival on my door step was no accident. In the brainstorming phase for this project I began to think about "HOW" we see things and the control factors for "WHAT" we see. In addition to eyeglasses or contact lenses, my mind wandered to binoculars, magnifying glasses, microscopes, telescopes, even those funky 3-D glasses as I tried to identify what had happened to my own vision. I realized that I had just let someone walk off with MY "big picture" and thankfully it made me angry enough to want back, going after it with a vengeance. About 18-24 months ago, I played the lead role in "The Dark Night of the Soul" and this new awakening gave me the determination I needed not to sign on for the sequel. At one point, someone said to me, "I'm sorry I ruined your life." to which I was able to reply, "I'm sorry, you nor anyone else gets that privilege."

"Faith" is a fine invention when Gentlemen can see -- But Microscopes are prudent In an Emergency."-- Emily Dickinson

I have had the feeling that quite some time ago God had enrolled me in this graduate level fortitude class without my consent and it seemed as though it would never end. I've been struggling but making passing grades, nonetheless. It's exam time. This week, I got the "blue book." I've been cramming hard, trying to fit all of the pieces of the puzzle together, mentally going over the goal and objective of each lecture and assignment to synthesize them into something coherent to prove that I have indeed "learned my lessons well." As much as I crammed in preparation, the final exam still threw me. I am a person of deep convictions and ideals and it turns out, I still have them. I am prone to standing up for what it is right regardless of the opinions of others. However, the final exam consisted not in knowing what to say, but rather in knowing what not to say. I guess that is ultimately what it has been about the whole time. The essence of fortitude is being so at peace within one's self in having strength of mind to persevere and do what it is right, regardless of the thoughts and actions of others and allowing them to be content in their own place in their own journey, even if ultimately what they are doing is wrong. The second half of this is trusting enough in our creator that regardless of what is said or done He will turn evil to good and ultimately as Job proclaimed when he answered the Lord:

"I know that you can do all things and that no
purpose of yours can be thwarted." - Job 42:2

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." - Ephesians 3:20

I know now that one year from today my life will look absolutely nothing like it does right now nor anything like I expected it that it would. I do not yet know what that will be and I am okay with that. I've got MY BIG PICTURE back and that's all that matters. I'm putting my telephoto lens back on my camera. When God can take evil and turn it in to something good, I'm okay with not being able to single handedly change the world as I sometimes think I might. The fun of fortitude, I guess, is in silently laughing at those who are all left holding their 8" x 10" glossies, thinking that they've won and knowing that the picture in my mind's eye is far greater than they could ever see.

Vision is the art of seeing the invisible - Jonathan Swift

Extra Ordinary Roots

The hero draws inspiration from the virtue of his ancestors.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

In one sense we are all the heroes of our own stories. In crafting my life story, I do draw inspiration from the virtue of my ancestors. Sunday, July 15th was the annual (as of now though, I am told it will be biennial - a little disheartening since it has been three years since I was last able to attend, and now next year will provide no opportunity) family reunion of my paternal extended family, the family of my maiden name - Knitt - yes, it is Germanic (Prussian actually) and you do pronounce the "K" so in rough phonetics it is "Kuh´- nit, " not knit (as in lower case "k" and only one "t"- like what one does with two needles and a ball of yarn). That is one commonality we have all shared through the years - educating the world on the proper pronunciation of our name. Along with one of my cousins I have helped to compile quite a lengthy genealogical history of our family. My cousin, a freelance historian and genealogist, has done the majority of the research however and I, mostly the compiling, especially before he had a computer at his home, but nonetheless it has been a shared passion. To date we have records dating back to the late 1600's.

Johann Friedrich Knitt, who at some point Americanized his name to "John," was born November 29, 1839 in a rural farm area called Schwetzen outside of Glowitz, Stolp, Pommerania, Prussia, which now lies within the present day political boundaries of Poland. On June 12, 1869 just shy of his thirtieth birthday, he set sail for America on the immigration ship The St. Bernard from Bremen, Germany to the port of New York. Upon arrival he traveled further to make his way to the state of Wisconsin where worked for several years as a stonemason in Eureka and Berlin, Wisconsin until August 1875 when he purchased what would become our family's homestead farm in Larrabee Township. Johann married Henrietta Brandt in February of 1874 and they had five children - three girls and two boys. He was worried that the "Knitt" family name would die out in America, however, one of his boys, my great-grandfather, Henry, had ten children (eight boys, two girls) and his brother, Otto, had three, two of which were sons.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

I do not believe that when Johann set sail from Germany in June of 1869 he could have possibly imagined that 138 years later the Knitt family would be flourishing in the United States as it is today. Nor that he would have the road on which he established his homestead farm named in his honor, "Knitt Road." Now the households of his descendants number in the hundreds. We are a large and varied family that has spread far and wide, but still we are all united by the same origins, the same roots. As teachers, artists, homemakers, doctors and health care workers, engineers, military personnel, scientists, clergy, missionaries, writers, film makers, bankers, lawyers, athletes, entrepreneurs, researchers, race car drivers, fire, police, and EMT personnel, and yes, still farmers too, as well as many, many, other occupations and great friends, neighbors, citizens, and families. Knitts are definitely making their mark on history. Knowing where you came from is an important part of knowing where you’re going to. I love the diversity and stability of such a large extended family and the identity it provides. Being a part of this family is one of the first places where I learned to accept and love others for who they are, encourage their strengths and overlook their weaknesses.

Families are held together by choice. Members are alike and unalike, yet there is comfort in the sameness and excitement in the differences. When we respect and relish both conditions, we can truly call ourselves family. - Maya Angelou

In his book, Self Matters, Phillip McGraw states that everyone can trace who they've become in life (their "life story" so to speak) back to ten defining moments, seven critical choices, and five pivotal people. I first read this book just over five years ago as I was about to turn thirty and first felt the need to rediscover myself. At that point I didn't take the time to do all of the exercises set forth in the book, but they have been one of those things bouncing around in the back of my mind that I think about and ponder from time to time. This is an intriguing exercise from which I think everyone would benefit. I'm still working on unearthing my 10-7-5. The first defining moment in my life that has shaped me into the person I've become, however, was the death of my father, while I was just six years old. This may sound odd, but I view that experience as a blessing because of the resulting gifts that it brought to my life. So, what about those gifts?

For me, the death of my father brought me into a very deep and personal relationship with God, our heavenly Father, at a very young age. Never once did I think, "Who is this terrible, monstrous, heartless God who would take away my dad?" In fact, for me it had the exact opposite effect. It caused me to be drawn to God and I wanted to know everything about Him and His Church. I was fascinated with the concept of heaven because that's where my dad was. Because I was so young, I didn't question the concept of heaven and an afterlife, I embraced it. Even as a college student one of my first priorities in living away from home was to find a church home. I will confess though that at a couple of brief points in my adult life when I have been involved in negative communities that overwhelmed me, I have somewhat neglected my relationship with God and did not do my part in nurturing it as I should have, like a long time, close friend that moves away and becomes involved in their new life in their new city and gradually loses contact with you. In this case, I was the one who moved away, not God. All in all though, my relationship with God that was solidified at such a young age, I can identify as one of the underlying constants and defining factors of my life - he is always with me.

Another gift that I believe was a direct result of my father's death is that I am very in-tune with reading people's underlying emotions and motives and seeing their hurts and pain. I have a great capacity for empathy and accepting people for who they are and meeting them where they are. I forever find myself in the position of being an advocate of those who others are quick to label negatively. I have the ability to see God in most others. I seek out the good where others see bad. I usually recognize the hands and feet and face of Christ in others. I think that this stems from being a six year old and witnessing the extended illness of my father with cancer prior to his death, during, and afterwards as well as the reactions of our immediate and extended family and circle of friends - being a watcher and a listener in an attempt to make sense of the world around me. The children of our family were involved in the whole process, but at the same time when you are six in an adult world, when serious things are taking place, people take for granted that you are involved in your own little world of imagination and play things and are easily diverted, but in reality, when you are six the world is your classroom and you are a sponge soaking in everything going around you.

From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view; even though we once knew Christ from a human point of view, we no longer know him in that way. So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! - 2 Corinthians 5:16-17

The third main gift that I attribute to experiencing my father's death and my resulting life afterwards is that I internalized at a young age that everything in this world is fleeting and life is short. It has greatly affected my value system. I value people and ideals and intangible things like making memories and traditions. I have little use for the material or superficial. What matters is how you treat people. When I listened to Mark Lawrence, the once (and soon-to-be future) Bishop elect for the South Carolina Diocese of the The Episcopal Church, speak this past May while addressing a women's group, I thought he expressed this concept in an analogy that was the best I have heard. It has so stuck with me since then and it comes to mind often. He compared our life experiences to playing a game of Monopoly. He explained to us that he was a very aggressive, take-no-prisoners, passionate Monopoly player and he had tried to pass his love of this board game on to his own children as they were growing up. However, as he would inevitably put all the other players in a position that made a comeback on their part and an attempt at winning seem hopeless, they would one by one give up and walk away from the game and he would be left alone to "put it all back in the box." He may have "won" proving his superior Monopoly playing strategies and skills, but when it's all back in the box and the kids left one-by-one disenchanted, what had he "won" really? He wanted to communicate to us that at the end of this life all the "stuff" which seems so important and consuming, all goes back "into the box." The only thing we take with us in to the next world is our love for others and the way we treated the people with whom we came in contact.

All this is NOT to say that I am any sort of saint. I am not. I sin. I hurt people. I do things wrong. I get angry. I lose my temper. I make mistakes, lots of mistakes - just ask my husband or my mother or... hmm... just about anybody with whom I am close...or better yet, ask me, I'm well aware of all my faults and shortcomings. These three things, though, are a part of my roots. They are my equilibrium, the foundation upon which the other aspects of my personality and character are built. When I waiver and stray from these "building blocks of me", as I inevitably do, these are what draw me back in to what and where I should be. They are the gifts God gave me through my father. When I am functioning at my best, these basics about my person are evident to all with whom I come into contact. When I am functioning at my worst, they are the ideals upon which I can focus and to which I strive to return. They give me strength to work through the adversities which cross my path.

My dad, Donald Henry Knitt, Sr., is part of my extraordinary roots. Because I was six, for me my dad never left the superhero phase. I knew deep in my heart that he loved me unconditionally. I had no vision of his faults or shortcomings as perhaps some of my older siblings may. He read to me, every day. He danced with me in our living room. He played games with me. He let me be his helper. I remember having snacks with him after he would cut the lawn. To this day, I love cutting the lawn and the smell of fresh cut grass. It is a simple pleasure for me.

"Honor your father and mother" -- this is the first commandment with a promise: "so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the Earth." - Ephesians 6:2-3

I attempt to honor my father by the way in which I live my life. I try to regularly stop and take a litmus test, re-evaluate and re-group. I want to live in manner in which he would have been proud. Part of honoring my father, is also honoring my father's family. I am proud to be a Knitt. Most of my online user names and emails incorporate all of my initials "BRKM." The "K" is an important part of the whole, which composes my self-image and identity. Some of being a Knitt for me means being a person of integrity, ingenuity and fortitude, honest, passionate, genuine, intelligent, spiritual, generous, resilient, independent, stalwart, pragmatic, practical, determined, staying true to one's beliefs, creative, visionary. These are obviously ideals which are exhibited by different extended family members at different times, and I call upon the strengths of my roots in different situations in which they are appropriate. Having an identity and a connection to my roots though enables me to persevere and borrow strength where I otherwise might not be able to do so alone.

Your Name

You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
And right gladly he bestowed it
Its yours as long as you may live.
You may lose the watch he gave you
And another you may claim
But whenever you are tempted
Be careful of his name.
It was fair the day you got it
And a worthy name to bear
When he got it from his father
There was no dishonor there.
Through the years he proudly wore it
To his father he was true
And that name was clean and spotless
When he passed it on to you.
- Annonymous

One of my dear friends is a deep thinker. This past winter as we were conversing one day, he shared with me an impromptu "homily" of sorts reflecting on the "living stones" of 1 Peter 2. He related to me his own addendum to the chapter with the Love of God being the mortar which holds all of us rough hewn living stones together into to the body of Christ. I cannot do his homily justice here because he has a beautiful gift for language and words that I do not. I wish I had recorded the moment in time in which he was telling it to me. I do know that I will never look at the gorgeous stone silos built by the hands of my immigrant, stone mason turned farmer, great-great-grandfather in the same way. Now in the stones I see the members of my extended family with all of their unique, individual rough edges and cracks and blemishes that make them beautiful individuals, and the mortar the Love of God that holds us together as a family and a"body." Knowing that you have a place to belong, where you are loved, and accepted in an entity that is bigger than yourself, that you can return to at will but are not tethered, gives you strength to blossom and grow as an individual.