Extra Ordinary Vision

"Attitude is the mind's paintbrush; it can color any situation."

-- Anonymous

I have worn eyeglasses since I was nine years old and in the third grade, without them I would be legally blind with my "to be envied" 20/400 vision. Legally blind is 20/200 that cannot be improved with corrective lenses. Thankfully mine is correctable to 20/15 with my glasses and I am also grateful that there have been amazing advances in eye wear fashion and science in the last twenty-six years. It seems as though every time I am due to get new glasses, the frames are smaller and the lenses thinner. I tried contacts once in my early twenties, but this was when gas permeables were the only option for people with astigmatism and they were uncomfortable, felt scratchy and I couldn't get used to seeing my face without glasses; so I quickly gave them up and returned to my trusty and comfortable spectacles. They are a friendly and welcome part of my physical identity. I most recently got new glasses this past July ('07), so my prescription is accurate, but since then it had seemed as though my vision had been getting cloudier by the day and I was sure that it was not anything my opthamologist could remedy.

I jokingly replied to a couple of comments that in September I would have to close down my blog because my monthly postings started out in May with four and then decreased each following month by one (4, 3, 2, and 1 in August). I order to keep up my pattern and be consistent, I would surely have to have zero posts in September. Although it was not necessarily what I set out to do, indeed September came and went with no new posts. Now in trying to reclaim my own Extra Ordinary Vision, I am breaking the pattern with hopes of "getting back in the saddle again." Somewhere along the way it seems I had lost my vision and with it went my voice. Today is a new day, a new week, a new month, and the start of yet another new beginning.

The most pathetic person in the world is someone
who has sight, but has no vision. - Helen Keller

I have long fancied myself a "big picture" kind of person with extraordinary vision, but about two months ago I allowed a thief in the night to steal MY big picture and leave me with only an 8" x 10" glossy in it's place. While this can be seen as "the big picture" if you are thinking back to your grade school days and the annual picture packets they would try to get your parents to buy, if go to a typical art gallery or museum and try to find the 8" x 10" picture, you either won't find it all or it will be one of the smallest pictures you see there. Recently, my version of reality was shattered on more than one front. When this happens I have come to realize that the only thing to do is to get down on your hands and knees and just start picking up all of the little pieces and shreds that you can find and try to figure out in which order they belong. If you're really lucky, someone will be there to help you pick them up and hand them back to you in the right order.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

One of the projects that I was assigned recently for my work was to create the promotional materials for a program that was being launched in our community called "Visionary Parenting." I soon realized that this assignment was really dual purpose for me and it's arrival on my door step was no accident. In the brainstorming phase for this project I began to think about "HOW" we see things and the control factors for "WHAT" we see. In addition to eyeglasses or contact lenses, my mind wandered to binoculars, magnifying glasses, microscopes, telescopes, even those funky 3-D glasses as I tried to identify what had happened to my own vision. I realized that I had just let someone walk off with MY "big picture" and thankfully it made me angry enough to want back, going after it with a vengeance. About 18-24 months ago, I played the lead role in "The Dark Night of the Soul" and this new awakening gave me the determination I needed not to sign on for the sequel. At one point, someone said to me, "I'm sorry I ruined your life." to which I was able to reply, "I'm sorry, you nor anyone else gets that privilege."

"Faith" is a fine invention when Gentlemen can see -- But Microscopes are prudent In an Emergency."-- Emily Dickinson

I have had the feeling that quite some time ago God had enrolled me in this graduate level fortitude class without my consent and it seemed as though it would never end. I've been struggling but making passing grades, nonetheless. It's exam time. This week, I got the "blue book." I've been cramming hard, trying to fit all of the pieces of the puzzle together, mentally going over the goal and objective of each lecture and assignment to synthesize them into something coherent to prove that I have indeed "learned my lessons well." As much as I crammed in preparation, the final exam still threw me. I am a person of deep convictions and ideals and it turns out, I still have them. I am prone to standing up for what it is right regardless of the opinions of others. However, the final exam consisted not in knowing what to say, but rather in knowing what not to say. I guess that is ultimately what it has been about the whole time. The essence of fortitude is being so at peace within one's self in having strength of mind to persevere and do what it is right, regardless of the thoughts and actions of others and allowing them to be content in their own place in their own journey, even if ultimately what they are doing is wrong. The second half of this is trusting enough in our creator that regardless of what is said or done He will turn evil to good and ultimately as Job proclaimed when he answered the Lord:

"I know that you can do all things and that no
purpose of yours can be thwarted." - Job 42:2

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." - Ephesians 3:20

I know now that one year from today my life will look absolutely nothing like it does right now nor anything like I expected it that it would. I do not yet know what that will be and I am okay with that. I've got MY BIG PICTURE back and that's all that matters. I'm putting my telephoto lens back on my camera. When God can take evil and turn it in to something good, I'm okay with not being able to single handedly change the world as I sometimes think I might. The fun of fortitude, I guess, is in silently laughing at those who are all left holding their 8" x 10" glossies, thinking that they've won and knowing that the picture in my mind's eye is far greater than they could ever see.

Vision is the art of seeing the invisible - Jonathan Swift