Extra Ordinary Love

Love is not just to do something for someone —

love is not a sort of sentimentality and kissing each other and so on.

Love is to enter into covenant —

to know that you accept me as I am,

that you see my gift, but also that you see my wound.

That you won't abandon me when you see my wound,

that you won't just flatter me when you see my gift.

But you accept me as I am with all that is fragile,

all that is broken, all that is beautiful, too. . . .

Then the extraordinary thing is we can let down barriers,

we don't have to prove,

I don't have to pretend I'm better than you are,

I'm allowed to be myself.

I'm allowed to be myself because you love me.

- Jean Vanier, "Seeing God in Others"

For the present, I work at a church. About a month ago I was required to lead the bi-monthly staff meeting devotional (for the first time ever), a task that at first seemed daunting and intimidating. That is, of course, until I remembered I can paint! At any rate my prayer was that the Spirit would speak through me and that my words would be well received. I am not sure how well they were received except by the one person who afterwards made a point of telling me that I did a good job (of course, I had asked her to pray for me regarding it in the preceding days), but nonetheless I was satisfied that I had done my best. The passages that I wanted to reflect on were 1 Corinthians 12 & 13. Fairly common passages, but usually one reads or hears read either chapter 12 or chapter 13, when really they were intended to go together. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew what I thought our community needed to hear, but I wasn't sure exactly how to communicate it. So, as always, I went to my modern day treasure chest of information, "Google," and I came up with the article from which the above quote was extracted and shared some excerpts from it. It is an amazing article, if you have the time, you should most definitely read it in its entirety. Jean Varnier, although newly discovered by me, is a published author of several books that I now look forward to adding to my "must read" list.

I have come to realize that to experience this kind of love of which Vanier speaks is indeed a blessing not to be taken for granted. Unfortuantely it is not as prevalent in our world as it should be. I am one of the fortunate who is blessed enough to experience this kind of love within the context of their marriage. The other day I was conversing with a friend with whom I also share this kind of Christian love when I said that "Freakin' Wierdo" is a term of endearment in our household. I am sure that at first hearing my friend thought this a very odd thing, especially when the response question to that statement was, "Is that a mutual thing?" I laughed. I affirmed that it was, so as not to allow this person to think I was experiencing some form of verbal or psychological abuse, but I did not take the time to give a rough translation of that, although I think it was understood in context. When my husband tells me that I am a "Freakin' Wierdo," I am secretly dancing on the inside because what he means in common English, for which we have created the established shorthand is, "You're not like the rest of the world. You're a free thinker. You're independent. You don't conform to societal and cultural norms. You stand up for what what you believe in and are true to your principles and values, no matter what. You aren't easily influenced by the opinions of others. You march to the beat of your own drummer. You approach the world differently. . . and that's what I like best about you! That's what I love!" So, when I do something or relate something that elicits the response, "You're a freakin' wierdo," (and perhaps the silent or voiced question, "Who else does that???") we both laugh and usually embrace and I know that I have done especially well. . . and my heart sings!

One example of our extraordinary love is best seen when we begin a disagreement on completely opposite ends of the spectrum, both firmly entrenched in our stances. As we talk and discuss our viewpoints, after sometimes hours of talking, we love each other so much that we find ourselves having adopted the other's position somewhere along the way, so we end up again at completely opposite ends of the spectrum, just the polar opposite of where we each began, and now trying to convince one another to re-adopt their initial stance because it has become our stance. Then we laugh when we realize what we have done and then we begin to find some middle ground or simply agree to disagree.

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. - I. Krishnamurti

However, the love in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 (although a popular read at weddings) is not necessarily the romantic, eros love. It is Christian love for another human being, for who they are as a part of the body of Christ, as the end of Chapter 12, after describing the various gifts of the spirit, sets the stage with the lead in, "And now I will show you the most excellent way."

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails . . . - 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8

Our most recent staff meeting devotional was on Romans 12, given by one of the two staff members who were not present for my previous one. Yes, if you are familiar with the passages, you will realize it is a variation on a theme from my own devotional. The message is still one that our community needs to embrace.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12:9-21

This week's devotional leader started the meeting, prior to introducing the Bible passage, by having each staff member in turn, tell some key facts about themselves (that were listed in advance) that we might not otherwise have known about one another and then answer the question, "If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?" There were a few extremely lofty change goals listed around the table along with a couple of realistic items. My own desire for change in the world was that people would focus on truly seeing God in others and looking for and encouraging a person's gifts, rather than focusing on a person's weaknesses and transforming a person's life through Christ-like love, rather than attempting to change a person through punitive efforts to correct or reform another's faults or shortcomings.

Extraordinary Love changes things! In my present situation of such a huge life change from the outside, what matters most is that nothing really changes on the inside: I unconditionally love my husband and he unconditionally loves me. As long as that love remains, together, we can conquer anything; everything else is just icing on the cake. This is not to say that our marriage is a fairy tale, with nothing but bliss. Sometimes we disagree, we don't see things eye to eye, we exchange unkind words, we make each other cry (and not always tears of joy). We are human. We sin, but we also forgive one another and ourselves. Love is the foundation of our relationship. If some of the bricks crack or fall out of place because they were laid improperly, we can take them out and replace them with new ones as long as our foundation is secure. Extraordinary Love is authentic and genuine. I can always be completely open and honest with my husband, I don't have to pretend to be or think or feel anything that I am not or do not, nor does he with me. Usually we know one another so well that it is impossible to do so anyway, as the smallest of gestures or movements or sounds speak volumes.

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:9-13

To be able to freely give and receive this type of Christ-like love in a marriage, a friendship, a familial relationship, or just with an acquaintance or someone you meet on the street, has the power to change the world. The question is not if you will make an impact on the lives of others that one comes into contact with, the question is what kind of impact will one make? There are those who fear the power of this type unconditional love that it will "enable" a person to continue with negative behaviors, if they are not focusing directly on prohibiting the negative behavior. I disagree. "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." - Barbara Johnson

I have never met a person whose great need
was anything other than real, unconditional love.
You can find it in a simple act of kindness
toward someone who needs help.
There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart.
It is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul,
energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives.
It is our connection to God and to each other.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross